The Language of Responsibility
(Education)
People regularly
use language that attempts to excuse or
deflect responsibility.
Even teachers frequently ask
questions that imply a lack of personal
responsibility or self-control.
For
example, teachers often ask students,
“How does that make you feel?”
Nothing
makes us feel a particular way.
Our feelings result from the importance
or value that we put on the person,
situation, or event. One
student can score a 90% on a test and be
happy. Another gets the same 90%
and feels terrible about it. It is not
the information that creates the
feelings, but what we do with the
information.
Consider also
these statements commonly made by
students:
“S/he
or you made me angry.”
“S/he hurt my
feelings.”
It is important for students (and
adults) to realize that we are capable
of controlling our response to a
situation.
While our first inclination may
be to become angry about a perceived
wrong or feel hurt over unkind words, we
can choose to deal calmly with either
situation.
The use of appropriate language
reinforces the concept of accepting
responsibility for our actions and
choices.
Consider these examples:
“I
have to…”
“I
didn’t have a choice…”
“Why
did you give me that grade?”
All of the above
comments are attempts to avoid
responsibility.
No one HAS to do anything.
Of course, there are personal,
social and legal consequences involved
in all decisions.
We always have a choice.
However, we don’t always have a
good choice. In the last comment, the
student is placing the responsibility on
the teacher.
It is up to the teacher to return
that responsibility to the student.
Too often, teachers trying to
help students accept this responsibility
fall into the “We vs. You” trap.
We vs. You
There is a
strong tendency to ask a student, “What
can we do about it?”, or “How can we
solve the problem?”
While
these are perceived by the teacher as
helpful questions, the result is that
full responsibility for the solution is
removed from the student.
Instead, ask,
·
“What are some
of the options that you see?”
·
“What are you
going to do?”
The Language of Responsibility
(Counseling)
People regularly
use language that attempts to excuse or
deflect responsibility.
Even counselors frequently ask
questions that imply a lack of personal
responsibility or self-control.
For example, counselors often ask
clients, “How does that make you feel?”
Nothing
makes us feel a particular way.
Our feelings result from the importance
or value that we put on the person,
situation, or event. One person is
happy to be separating from a spouse,
another is devastated.
It is not the separation, but
rather if one wants the separation, what
the belief is about separation, and what
values one has about the situation that
impact how we choose to react.
Consider also
these statements commonly made by
clients:
“S/he
or you made me angry.”
“S/he
hurt my feelings.”
It is important for everyone to realize
that we are capable of controlling our
response to a situation.
While our first inclination may
be to become angry about a perceived
wrong or feel hurt over unkind words, we
can choose to deal calmly with either
situation.
The use of appropriate language
reinforces the concept of accepting
responsibility for our actions and
choices.
Consider these examples:
“I
have to…”
“I
didn’t have a choice…”
“Why did you
give me that evaluation?”
All of the above
comments are attempts to avoid
responsibility.
No one HAS to do anything.
Of course, there are personal,
social and legal consequences involved
in all decisions.
We always have a choice.
However, we don’t always have a
good choice. In the last comment, the
client is placing the responsibility on
the evaluator, usually a supervisor.
It is up to the evaluator to
return that responsibility to the
client.
Too often, counselors trying to
help clients accept this responsibility
fall into the “We vs. You” trap.
We vs. You
There is a
strong tendency to ask a client, “What
can we do about it?”, or “How can we
solve the problem?”
While
these are perceived by the counselor as
helpful questions, the result is that
full responsibility for the solution is
removed from the client.
Instead, ask,
·
“What are some
of the options that you see?”
·
“What are you
going to do?”
Archived Thoughts
