December Tip

Practice The One-A-Day Plan

Good news:  You don’t have to do everything in an extraordinary manner.  If you attempted that, you’d be bogged down before you ever left home in the morning.

Turning the ordinary into extraordinary happens one act at a time.  So if you do just one extraordinary thing a day, whether at home or at work, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year (even while on vacation), your life will soon be a record book of the extraordinary.

One extraordinary act a day isn’t overwhelming; it is very doable.  Dozens of acts a day? Unrealistic.  But one a day?  Anyone can do that!  Start by doing what you know you can do.  As you continue reinventing yourself, start supplementing your one-a-day strategy by doing more.  But build on the simple practice.

Think about it.  All it takes is

• One thoughtful remark to a loved one each day to enrich your relationship;

• One exceptional performance a day to get the right kind of attention from your boss; or

• One unexpected act of service a day to turn the life of another in a positive direction.

Over time, the one-a-day principle will turn your mundane life into an extraordinary life – and it will do the same for others as well.

Sanborn, M. (2004) The Fred Factor. New York:  Currency Doubleday.

www.fredfactor.com

November Tip

Using the Basic Needs for Planning

The November Thought addressed the difference between the needs and our Quality World pictures.  Here is a simple example of how to    use the needs to plan and/or assess opportunities for need satisfaction.

Educators

What opportunities are available this week for students to get love and belonging?

·         Class Meetings

·         Cooperative Learning

·         Social Time

·         Add your own…

What opportunities are available this week for students to have some power?

·         Accomplishment/Achievement

·         Being listened to…

·         Being a leader

·         Add your own…

What opportunities are available this week for students to have some freedom?

·         Choices

·         Goal setting

·         Expressing themselves

·         Add your own…

What opportunities are available this week for students to have some fun?

·         Learning

·         Laughing

·         Exploring

·         Add your own…

Administrators/Managers

Why pay attention to the needs and wants (Quality Worlds”) of your employees?

Rath (2006) reports Gallup research that states, “If you have a best friend at work, you are significantly more likely to:

• Engage your customers

• Get more done in less time

• Have fun on the job

• Have a safe workplace with fewer accidents

• Innovate and share new ideas

• Feel informed and know that your opinion counts

• Have the opportunity to focus on your strengths each day”

What are you doing to foster a sense of belonging in the workplace?

·         Know your workers

·         Participation in staff meetings

·         Common break room/area

·         Add your own…

“Having areas to congregate can double the chances of having a best friend at work.”

What are you doing to foster an environment of positive power?

·         Accomplishment/Achievement

·         Being listened to…

·         Employee recognition

·         Add your own…

What are you doing to increase/promote freedom?

·         Expressing thoughts/opinions

·         Professional development/goal setting

·         Providing expectations, but allowing employees to choose methods

·         Add your own….

“Just 17% of employees report that their manager has made “an investment in our relationship” in the past three months.”

What do you contribute to a fun/enjoyable place to work?

·         Learning

·         Laughing

·         Enjoyable facility/atmosphere

·         Add your own…

Reference:

Rath, Tom (2006). Vital Friends. New York: Gallup Press

October Tip

A school counselor wrote to me asking for help with a behavioral plan.  The teacher told the counselor that the young man was calling out in class during quiet work times which, of course, was disruptive to the class.  The teacher also wanted the counselor to come up with a plan for the student to be “rewarded” for appropriate behavior.  The school counselor wanted to help the student without external rewards.

The teacher wanted more control in the classroom and believed that the lack of control came from this student’s disruption.  She further believed that the boy wanted attention and that this was the cause of his disruptive behavior.  She asked the counselor to develop a behavioral assessment and plan for the student.

The problem in this case is that the teacher is focused only on what she wants.  When having goal setting conferences with students adults often have a plan in mind before even beginning the conference.  They forget that if the student doesn’t see a good “What’s in it for me?” answer, they won’t follow the plan.  The learner MUST see that he will get more of what he wants.  Another way of saying it is that the student realizes that if he does not close the gap between what he wants and what he has, he will continue to have problems.  The goal has to be the student’s if he is going to feel ownership and power over the results.

Additionally, most behavioral plans do not address the complete issue. 

There are several purposes for the conference:

1.     To emphasize that the student is responsible for his behavioral choices.  It is important for him to learn how to more effectively

         control himself in learning situations. 

2.     To determine any underlying academic or social issues the student is dealing with.

3.     To develop a goal and plan that the student will follow through on.

Because the counselor was asking for assistance, I suggested the following approach.  Of course, the counselor will talk to the student to see if he thinks something like this will work, etc.  She thought it would be just what he needed and would talk to him about how a plan like this could help him stay in class and out of trouble.

The following SMART Goal and Plan will address the behavioral component.

My goal is to reduce the number of disruptions during quiet time this week.

1.     I will write my goal on an index card.

2.     I will keep the card in my folder and take it out any time that we have quiet work time.

3.     When I take out my card, I will mark the box that says we had quiet work time.

4.     I will mark in the box every time I follow my goal during quiet work time.

5.     When I want to say something funny, I will tell myself that I want to do better and then read my goal.

6.     I will make a daily graph to show how many times I chose to follow my plan.

All students want to be successful. Therefore the need for attention will be met by being in effective control and staying out of trouble.  From the little I know about this student - although I have a great deal of experience with students like this - he's acting out only partly for the attention and mostly to cover an inability to do the work OR a lack of desire to do what he considers easy or uninteresting assignments.

The teacher is responsible for the learning activities in the class.  Unless the teacher provides appropriate learning activities and differentiation, the complete issue is not being addressed. 

For more information:  Hoglund, R. (2007)Choosing to Teach

September Tip

Choice

A woman in the William Glasser Institute Certification Program wrote to me through the ASK BOB page on my web site.

When I’m asked to role play in front of a group of people I get very anxious and seem to forget everything I know.  When I try to discuss why it happens, my supervisor says, “Because you choose it”.  I don’t sit there and think, “Oh, I think I'll choose to get nervous and shut off my brain right now so that I can't think!” which is how it sounds when I'm told I'm choosing it."

 I've heard this I CHOOSE IT so many times I feel it as a hammer coming down on me now.  I never used to feel that.  It was interesting and I wanted to understand it.  Now it is different. 

Signed Please Explain.

When we are infants we learn a tremendous amount of behaviors.  At first we can’t even manage to get our thumb into our mouth, but we keep trying to get our muscles to do what we want them to.  We do the same with walking and then running.  Eventually, we master those behaviors and many more.  Once our behavior becomes organized, it is basically a program. We then run the program of "brushing our teeth" or "walking up and down stairs". We become so proficient it is as if we don't have to think about the behavior in order to do it.

This automatic, organized behavior is why both sides are correct in explaining behaviors.  We have thousands of programs in our behavioral repertoire.  Technically, we choose all of our behavior. However, IF we are not focusing on specific behavioral changes with intentionality, we will continue to use the automatic behaviors that have served us in the past.

Three weeks ago I put up a new shower rod that has a double bar - one for the curtain and one for towels. I took down our old towel rack on the wall. I still fold my towel and start to hang it on the wall every morning. Then I see that there is no towel rod there and turn around and hang it on the new rod. Why do I do that? Because my behavior was so programmed after 10+ years that I didn't have to "think" about my behavior, I could just run the program of "hanging up my towel". I now have to alter that program in order to be more efficient and effective. Am I technically choosing an ineffective behavior? Yes. However, my thought process must learn to re-sequence my thoughts and actions. In other words, put the new towel rack at a higher priority level in my behavioral hierarchy than the old towel rack on the wall.

If it is difficult to change this simple behavior, what does that say about choices with much larger consequences or outcomes than having to take an extra 2 or 3 seconds to turn around and use the new towel rack?

If we set a goal to lose 10 pounds, we don’t expect to lose it all in one day. Similarly, we cannot expect to instantly change other aspects of our life.   We need time to program ourselves to regularly “choose” better behaviors.

We already know that in your quality world you are competent at EVERYTHING you take on. When you aren't, you either remove yourself from the situation (like dropping classes, not participating in activities, etc.) OR, you find the incremental successes that you can live with as you become more competent. Your system creates anxiety when you don’t perform to the competence level you expect.  Technically, you are choosing anxiety, but to say it that way isn't helpful.

The RT Process is to help you identify your want - (competence) - explore what is happening and what you are doing - (studying the procedures and thought processes) - and then evaluate the effectiveness of the situation. Once that is completed, an ACTION Plan is most effective.

There are several questions to consider:

1. What is the real purpose of the practice (role play)?

   1. Is there a positive, supportive, trusting learning environment?

   2. Are the expectations for the practice session clear?

   3. How will the practice be evaluated or assessed?

2. What are you telling yourself about the practice?

   1. Are your perceptions helpful for you?

   2. How do those perceptions affect your performance?

3. What is your goal for a practice (role play) session?

   1. What action steps do you need to perform in order to be successful?

   2. How will you monitor your progress?

   3. How will you know if you are successful?

Using the RT process will help you identify behaviors which will move you closer to your goal of competency.  By integrating these behaviors (through your action plan), you will begin the process of embedding them as a new program.  As you find more success through using these behaviors, you will begin to “choose” this program more often. 

Dr. Deming said, "It is not enough to do your best. You must first know WHAT to do and then do your best."  RT helps you know what to do.

The purpose of practice is to improve your ability to:

1. understand the person you are working with.

2. ask questions that help the person:

   1. identify or clarify their wants.

   2. Identify or clarify what the person is doing.

   3. evaluate the effectiveness of the behaviors.

   4. develop an action plan to move in the direction of what they want.

3. reflect and self-evaluate.

4. listen to feedback and suggestions.

5. use your knowledge of CT/RT more efficiently and effectively.

Bob Hoglund

Wording Things Negatively CAN Be Helpful.

In July I presented at the William Glasser Institute International Conference in Seattle.  In order to demonstrate the power of using an affinity diagram to collect data I asked the following question:

What are some of the factors contributing to the decline in the attendance of William Glasser Institute International Conferences? 

The crucial element when asking for feedback is to look for what is wrong, not who is wrong.  I prefaced the negatively worded question with two main points.

1. As lead managers, we are looking at system issues over the last four to five years, not blaming any one Conference Committee or person.

2. I use this technique especially in mandatory trainings because it gets people talking and identifying things in the system they want changed.  The next step is to ask what can be done (which becomes a positive) and even the most negative people are compelled to continue because they have already bought into the activity.

My instructions were to word the header label negatively.  For example;

• not enough...

• lack of...

• insufficient...

If someone said, “I’d like the cost to be more affordable”, aren’t they saying it’s too expensive?

How much difference is there between:

Travel is too expensive.

Travel could be less expensive.

It would be nice if travel costs were lower.

If you heard lower costs would be better, would you really perceive them that differently?

Do you sometimes think negatively?  Of course you do: negative thoughts do not cause all of our problems.  They become a problem only when we beat ourselves up or attack others up with the negativity. 

When seeking discussion using negative wording, the lead manager sets the environment for the activity and the debriefing of it.  If the presented environment and actions are for continuous improvement, the use of the negative can be helpful rather than harmful.

Bob Hoglund

July Tip

SMART Plans

Once the SMART Goal is selected, the next step is to develop a SMART Plan and write Action Steps that are small enough to be successful, but big enough to reach the goal in a reasonable time frame.

Continuous Improvement requires consistently evaluating the effectiveness of the plan.  Some questions to ask along the way:

1.  Are you making progress toward your goal?

2.  Are you satisfied with your progress?

If you’re not making the progress you’d like on your personal goals, review your Action Steps.

3.  What’s not working?  Why?

4.  Are the steps small enough to be accomplished in a reasonable manner?

5.  Are you committed to making the change?

6.  How can you change your action plan to help you reach your goal?

No one will change their behavior until THEY decide that what

they are doing isn’t working AND, that there is a belief that the

goal can be attained.

Remember, it’s YOUR plan.  Only you can decide if you are willing to make the changes needed to accomplish your goal.

Bob Hoglund

June Tip

Questions work best when you ask and then LISTEN!

The environment and relationship building are major components of the Reality Therapy Questioning Process, regardless of whether its use is in counseling, business supervision, education or families.   Most days we find ourselves in conversations with colleagues, friends, children or loved ones that include a problem, an upset or something that just didn’t go as planned.

In many of these situations, once we hear what they are saying, we attach our own meaning (perceptions) to it and then attempt to answer or solve the problem.  Yet the most powerful thing we can do in listening is to do is to shift our focus from "I understand" or “I know how you feel” to "Help me understand." 

• How do you see me helping you with this?

• Can you help me understand...?

• Let's work on how we might...

• How do you see it?

• I wonder if it would make sense...?

Listening is only powerful and effective if it is authentic.  Authenticity means that you are listening because you are curious and because you care, not just because you were supposed to.  The issue, then, is this: are you listening enough to build and maintain an environment of help, support and progress?

Reference:  Stone, Patton & Heen (1999). Difficult Conversations. Penguin Books: New York. (1999)

Bob Hoglund

March Tip

Whether you work in an agency, a business or a school, you deal with the problem of the person who does not follow rules or meet expectations.  Effective one-on-ones, conferences and/or discussions are the only way to effectively address the problem. 

In my work with schools I am constantly asked what I think about policies that use detention or similar programs with students that are late, don’t complete assignments, don’t do homework, etc.

My questions are:

1. “Have the teachers had a one-to-one conference with the student(s)?”

If the answer is yes, “Has there been an improvement plan developed?”

2. “Has the teacher held a class meeting to discuss the problem?”

If the answer is yes, “Has there been an improvement plan developed?”

3. “Do you know the cause of the problem? 

4. “What data/evidence do you have?”

In most cases, the teachers want something quick and easy that will “fix” (externally control) the problem.  These plans and policies rarely work.  In many cases they do succeed in creating a worse teacher/student relationship, student resistance and less caring about school and performance.

Bob Hoglund

February Tip

Using Negatively Worded Questions Can Be Powerful.

There are times when clients, employees, students, etc. tell us that they haven't done something or talked to someone.  In these cases, phrasing questions using the word "not" can be very helpful in helping them evaluate the effectiveness of doing nothing.

Has not talking to _____ improved the situation?

 

Has not putting in the effort improved your relationship?

 

When you don't exercise or eat healthily, do you feel better?

 

Has ignoring things made you happier?

 

Does thinking negatively about _____ give you the motivation to work on it?

 

Bob Hoglund

January Tip

Perfect Practice

1.  Approach each critical task with the explicit goal of getting much better at it.

2.  As you do the task, focus on what's happening and why you're doing it the way you are.

3.  After the task, get feedback on your performance from multiple sources.  Make changes in

     your behavior as necessary.

4.  Continually build mental models of your situation - your industry, your company, your career. 

     Enlarge the models to encompass more factors.

5.  Do these steps regularly, not sporadically.  Occasional practice does not work.  Not

     sporadically.

Fortune:  The Excellence Issue October 30, 2006.   p. 96